1. A little wine and romance will go further towards getting me in mood than humping my leg like a horny golden retriever. Also, helping around the house will have the same effect on me as alcohol does on a high school girl on prom night.
2. If I’m getting ready to start my period or I have my period while we are arguing and you don’t have chocolate in hand, you’re basically swimming with sharks while bleeding – nice knowing you.
3. My retail therapy is the female equivalent to your sports obsession, so don’t intervene unless you want me to return the favor.
4. It’s not called “nagging.” It’s called asking you for the 637th time to do something that I shouldn’t have had to ask about in the first place, and don’t even call me a nag or I’ll hang your balls out to dry for at least two weeks.
5. If I’m acting crazy, remember, I didn’t choose to be born with hormone induced rage blackouts, but you chose to marry me. So who’s the crazy one here???
6. Remember you’re going home with me so stick up for me to your mother OR ELSE.
7. I have yet to meet anyone who has died of a cold. Not really a rule, but just some food for thought…
8. If you want me to stop talking, acknowledge you heard me, and I’ll shut up (maybe).
9. I get an “I’m right” trump card that’s good for 5 years times infinity for every human that emerged from my body. Game. Set. Match. End of argument.
10. Even when I actually am being a crazy bitch, always remember that I’m your crazy bitch, and you know you LOVE me.
Click here to download the world’s ugliest FREE printable of the above guide. I recommend printing it and leaving it lying around the house for him to find….. hopefully he has a good sense of humor about things. If not, be ready to trade sexual favors to get yourself out of the doghouse 😉
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