OH. MY. GOSH.
Everyone wants to know why our Nation’s divorce rate is climbing higher and higher, and I have the answer. The new headlines ask, “Is it because so many women are working these days? Is it because America just doesn’t value family?” The answer? No and no.
It’s because – wait for it…. this is good… it’s because (some) men are FLIPPING IDIOTS, and I mean MUCH bigger idiots than I previously realized. Not my husband of course (in case he’s reading this). I have uncovered information that leads me to believe that a percentage of men are missing some, if not all, of their brain.
I came across the idiocracy while I was looking at the analytics for my blog. Apparently at one time, my little mom blog ranked third for the Google search phrase:
Does it hurt more to get kicked in the balls or have a baby?
I’ll let you digest that for a moment………… ………. … …….. . . . .. ….. if you’re like me, your blood pressure is rising. Well, try Googling this phrase; Maybe even read some of the threads that come up for this search.
Yeah… now here, hold my computer for a minute…
I just triple ninja kicked my husband square in the nuts. I’m waiting to see what’s going to happen…..
Ok. He’s dropped to the floor, but as far as I can tell his asshole hasn’t fallen off yet, and his taint is still intact as well. Still waiting… yet there’s no 8lb bowling ball emerging from his sphincter either. Hmmmm, weird. You might say that having a baby and getting kicked in the nuts are not even close to comparable!?!
Fine. I was just being a smart-ass. I didn’t actually kick my husband because he’s not dumb enough to say something so stupid otherwise I would have kicked him and then promptly divorced him.
But, seriously, who the fuck asks such a dumb question? Anyone who thinks that getting kicked in the nuts and having a baby are even remotely similar should have their balls cut off and put on display in a jar on top of the refrigerator just to provide a daily reminder of what a dumb piece of shit they are.
Let’s take an objective look at the facts. A lot of men are babies. I mean a little bout of the sniffles keeps them in bed for days. I can’t believe men on these Google threads are actually saying that getting kicked in the balls hurts more than childbirth like they could tolerate childbirth for even a second.
I’ve long said that heaven [for women] is a place where all the men are pregnant. After reading these idiotic comments, I would add that heaven would include an epidural free birth experience for the pregnant men as well.
What I would like is to find a man who has been shot in the sack. Now he could probably tell us that getting kicked in the balls feels nothing like childbirth as I would assume childbirth is to vagina as bullet is to testes.
An aside so I don’t have to sort through a ton of hate mail from dudes who are pissed that I’m questioning their manhood – I’d like to add that apparently there are equal parts idiotic women out there that could be contributing to the divorce rate. In the same Google search, I came across a thread where a woman, who was pregnant, asked if birthing a baby hurts more than having your period….. ummmm, ya. So we see that some people, in general, are just stupid. It’s surprising that genetic selection has allowed people this dumb to procreate at all.
With that, I’ll leave you with these words of wisdom:
If you’ve never heard of a “vasshole” (term credited to an unfortunate friend) or had your muscles slowly torn apart while an 8lb bowling ball emerged from your taint, then you should probably just shut. the. fuck. up.
Also, for every comment below that comes from a male who tries to argue with the above post, karma will eat one puppy and crap it on your face. I realize that the preceding sentence makes about as much sense as someone asking, “Which hurts more – getting kicked in the balls or having a baby?” The irony…