There’s Xanax in My Christmas Cookies & 3 Other Amazing Holiday Survival Tips

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mom blog holiday survival guide xanax in christmas cookies image

Many of you seem to enjoy my inappropriate, tongue in cheek humor.  I’ve been getting many requests for this so here it is:

The In the Mom Light holiday survival guide:

1.  Wine should [obviously] top your Christmas shopping list.  It makes all other things that much more tolerable.  Until the next day of course, but a little hair of the dog will take the edge off of your hangover rather nicely.

2.  Have a relative who seems like they have something up their ass?  They can’t really be that mean.  They’re probably just constipated.  Nothing a little Kahlua and laxative can’t solve.  Even if it turns out they really are that mean, at least they’ll be spending their night in the bathroom instead of with you.

3.  How about a relative who is a know it all?  Serve them up a slice of sneeze pie and you can be sure there’s at least one thing they don’t know.  The key is not getting busted mid-sneeze though, so be slick.

4.  Xanax cookie anyone?  These should be served freely to all guests since the holidays can get people’s panties in a bunch faster than your Elf on a Shelf can fly to the North Pole and back.

Here is how you figure out how much Xanax to add to your cookie recipe:

  • Divide the square footage of the home where your gathering is to be held by the number of guests.
  • Then, multiply that number by the hours everyone will be staying, and you will have the total Xanax need for your recipe.

Make sure everyone takes at least one cookie and your holidays will be a ho ho whole hell of a lot merrier.

You’re welcome.  Happy Holidays!

 

 

 

 

 

photo credit: sea turtle via photopin cc