I think the Mayans were correct about 2012 being the year of the apocalypse. I don’t want to scare you, but you should know that this week, not only did I shower two days in a row, my husband and I went on a date night…. I know – what a wild and crazy week, right? One thing that certainly was not crazy or wild was our date night.
Wow how “date nights” have changed since having kids…
First of all, I picked a trendy restaurant, but the only clothes that I could find that actually fit and were [almost] clean made me look like an Amish Gypsy Cowgirl. I was self conscious from the moment we walked into the restaurant.
With my alcohol tolerance these days, I thought, “No problem. I can drink my ugly outfit off my mind rather quickly.” So, I ordered sangria. Ohhh how exciting! But it turned out to be disgusting… I couldn’t decide what it tasted like, but my husband was able to zero in on the flavor as a cheap Christmas candle. Gross. Apparently the days of being able to drink anything just to get drunk are gone, which is definitely a change since having kids.
As I stared down my lovely glass of $9 down the drain, my mind drifted to the realization that my post baby bladder already had to pee. So, I went to the bathroom and successfully wasted six minutes of our one night out waiting in line only to find out that I didn’t actually have to go the bathroom. It was just that the buttons on my pants were so tight they were pushing on my bladder – awesome. Another post child difference…
As I headed back to the table from my unnecessary trip to the bathroom, my boobs decided to let down. So as soon as I got to the table, I had to grab my purse and head to the car, leaving my husband alone at the table yet again. Although, it wasn’t all that bad. While pumping, I was able to update my Facebook status – a major positive for my social media addiction.
When I returned to the table, I realized that I left my purse in the car. Naturally, my chapped mom hands demanded the lotion that was in my purse, so hubby headed to the car to get it, leaving me at the table alone this time, which clearly gave me the perfect opportunity to see what people had said on my Facebook status update.
I’m pretty sure at this point, our “date” was everything that my husband had dreamed of, and more, for his *big* birthday celebration. It seemed like he especially enjoyed the part where the cost of a night out has increased exponentially since having kids because we now pay a babysitter to the tune of our life savings times three every hour.
As thoughts of what else we could have done with the money started to dominate my thoughts, my boobs were growing by the minute because I didn’t want to go to the car to pump again. When my husband noticed, I’m pretty sure he really thought the evening was looking up until he mentioned something about getting lucky, and I told him that I would consider it getting lucky if I made it 3/4 of the way home before falling asleep.
After the date night we had, I’m curious if he is wondering how I so quickly became an old maid…. Either way, it’s certainly safe to say that a night out has changed since kids. At least our “date” was a nice reminder that even if our nights aren’t wild and crazy anymore, we can still laugh together because now, we are the people we used to laugh at.