This afternoon, I drove around New York with a broken GPS (that’s my story) for 1 1/2 hours looking for the Lincoln Tunnel. I had already passed the 7 layers of the candy cane forest, but I just couldn’t seem to find the sea of swirly, twirly gumdrops. When I finally decided to ask someone, I was cruising through the sparkling clean and oh so scenic Lincoln Tunnel in no time. It was that easy. Just ask.
As I was cruising down the also gorgeous Jersey turnpike, my mind began to wander. My mind. Wandering… go figure. I love turtles. Anyway, I was saying… the ease of this “asked and answered” situation made me wonder, why didn’t I just ask sooner? Maybe I didn’t ask sooner because the birth of my second child stole my vagina, and left me with balls. I mean, everyone knows that dudes don’t ask for directions. I pondered on that one for a bit… I wondered why my mind thinks this way, but soon I was distracted by the realization that I didn’t ask sooner because I’m so used to NO ONE having the answer.
Why am I so used to this??? Because most situations where I really, desperately need someone to just give me an answer are parenting situations, and no one can tell me what to do.
Why does NO ONE have the answer? It’s SOOO frustrating. I do all of the research where of course different schools of thought can always disprove each other, and I am left with something really unsettling – my husband and I are the only ones who can decide what is right for our children. HO-LY shit. No pressure, right? Naturally, I have relentlessly hounded my friend Google for answers to tough situations, but time and time again, I get the same result – “sorry, no results found.”
It sucks. So yeah, I think the worst part of parenting is that we have to make ALL of the decisions, but yet that’s the best part of all. We just have to find a way to balance the information available to us given where science and applied knowledge stands today. Then, we must make the decision that aligns with our values for our family. No one else can do that, and we shouldn’t let them try…
On that note, good night Google.
Robert Bly is fond of saying something like, “The question is not, will we wound our children, but how deep will the wounds be?”
Delfin Joaquin Paris III recently posted..Let’s Take The Focus Off Me
ugh… I think I already deepened the wounds by having baby #2… #1 (aka “the king”) is not such a fan………..
1) Ask grandparents – they have made the choices and seen long term the outcomes.
2) Decide what you think is best.
3) Pray for confirmation.
4) Recognize that there is no single answer that is best for everyone and sometimes there is not a ‘best’ answer – just different choices.
What I struggle with the most are situations where my husband and I have set certain values, but then taken advice from other people that went against those values. It turned out our values and gut instinct were correct, and we made a mistake in going against it. I find it challenging to forgive myself for making the mistakes that are inevitable in parenting…. mom guilt I suppose :-/
That’s the toughest part of parenting indeed. Children don’t come with instruction manuals and there’s really no tech support. You just need to trust your instincts and do what’s right for you and your family and no one knows your children and how they respond better than you do!
Thanks
I think we all need that boost once in awhile to remind us that we have gut instincts and know our children the best! PS – you are very artistic. Your blog is beautiful!
Thanks Kelly! Btw – I’ve been playing catch up all week, so I’m slow in getting all my pictures sorted – but I’ve got some great pics from the Aiming Low party that I’ll email you.
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom recently posted..Subway Mediation
Sounds good! I can’t wait to see them
I know what you mean! As parents we want to make sure we are doing everything perfect for our children – we love them so much! Somtimes we probably need to relax and realize they’re going to be fine because we’re doing the best we can, even if we’re making some mistakes along the way. Our parents did – we survived, lived to tell, and have tons of respect and love for them. Enjoyed reading your post!
Amy recently posted..Time To Recharge
I have to constantly remind myself that when my parenting isn’t enough, my love is enough for my children….
So well said! I am new to your blog, but am loving the honesty and realism–exactly my kind of thing
The responsibility of parenting is HUGE, and I very much relate, but my favorite parts were the Elf reference and the replacement of your vagina with balls–me too! How does this happen? I kind of like that part…
Meredith recently posted..One of These Things Is Not Like the Other
Haha, the things kids take from us
You are completely right. The most stress I am ever feel is making important decisions. They so permanent and impact the most important people!
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I hear ya! I can’t even imagine what some of my friends have been through with children who had serious health issues… making every day decisions is hard enough let alone make or break health stuff.
Yes! Exaaaaactly! I’m somewhat of a perfectionist and so not having answers drives me craaaaazy. I always want to know what the “right” thing to do is so I can do it. I don’t think I’ve quite accepted the fact that most of my parenting questions don’t have answers. That’s a tough pill to swallow….but I’m working on it. Great post! I’m happy to have found your blog!
Laura @ Stroller Parking Only recently posted..I’m Guest Posting Today at My So Called Mommy Life
Thanks! Yes, I have a hard time accepting it… mostly when there are big health decisions to make and I don’t know what to do and doctors are conflicting in their opinions ugh. I can’t wait to check out Stroller Parking Only!